Be Alone

I was thinking today, sort of ruminating on my relationships, I suppose.

The life drop I wrote about in my last post? Yeah, that extended. Quite a bit. But I think I may actually be coming out of it this time, I feel good. And I think that's certainly due in part to the friend that came and stayed a few days at our house, who left just yesterday. It's so rare that I actually hang out face to face with anyone at all... And that's because nearly all of my friends are online. I have three incredibly close friends I met through the scene, in the intersection of geekiness and spanking. The first one I met through fanfiction, and we eventually started writing together. We've shared about our family situations and been through mental illness hell together, either by torturing each other while in the throes of our disorders or by supporting each other through them.

The second, I met on deviantArt when I was very first getting active in the spanking art community. I've known him for about four years now, and he's flying out here this summer to see me. He's a great guy.

The third, my dearest friend, my platonic soulmate, I also met through fanfiction several years after the first. I've been to hell and back with him and we've supported each other over the years. We have eventual plans to be roommates when my disorder is better controlled and I can hold a job. He has come to see me two years in a row, stayed with my family for about a week, and this year I'm flying to him.

And you know what? Those are my people. My very closest people. I had a small handful of friends I met through the regular means, school and face-to-face interaction and such... But the closest one, we ended up growing into such polar opposite people that we don't even like each other anymore. We had a friend-breakup and that was... interesting, at least. The others, I have tried to keep in contact with and they don't bother to make the same kind of time for me as I try to make for them.

But, you know, I've always been like that. I don't tend to have many friends or even acquaintances, and there is basically nobody who I could randomly call up and say to them, "I'm having a crisis, I need you to be in my house as soon as possible." Because my closest people live two states away, six states away, a hemisphere away... I wasn't social as a child. I stayed in my house and read books. I'm just wondering, is this a common thread with spankos? If it weren't for the internet, would you be basically alone in the world? Because of the friends I've been talking about, it seems like they're in precisely the same boat as me. One of them has work friends.

I dunno. It was just a thought. I'd be interested to hear other spanko's experiences if y'all would like to comment.

-Z